Mid-January Realisations.

Dear Chummy,

I have started and rewritten this post many times of the past few days and I feel like it is late. I'm not sure why I feel that way considering we haven't set any particular deadlines this year, but it is motivating me to just write and be done with it. I have done an awful lot of reflecting recently and I have realised that life has a tendency to throw all manner of struggles at us and that we just have to deal with them, and  it is usually how we deal with them that defines us. It makes us stronger, we learn and we grow and life just sort of goes on. Following this realisation I have been thinking about things I want to work on this year, and I know it's the 16th of January but  I don't think you need the first of a month to tell you when to make a change.

Mid-January Realisation #1: Put effort into my degree, stop pretending it doesn't exist.
Having had three examinations this week; definitely failing one, maybe scraping a pass in the second and not even turning up to the third has really thrown things into perspective for me. I am at a bloody good university, I have access to a top class education, and libraries and some of the greatest minds and do you know what? I haven't really appreciated it. Not one bit. I have been fighting to get through my degree, drowning in the work and not even attempting to swim. I have wanted it to be over since it started. Now I am half way through and I am fed up. I am fed up of feeling inadequate and defeated. I can do this. If I try, I can do this. I want a good mark. I want to succeed. I do not want to drown any more. So from this struggle and disappointment comes a new sense of purpose. Things need to change, I need to start putting the effort in - I've made it this far, I can make it the rest and I can make it count.

Mid-January Realisation #2: Become well-read, knowledgeable and cultured.
This new motivation has also given me a desire to become more well-read. I want to know about the world, and what's going on in it. I want to have opinions and intelligent discussions with people. I'm tired of sitting back and just listening. I am the biggest listener. I need to know about things and I want to write about them. I really really want to write more, and I want to get good at it. I want to become cultured too. I want to see things and learn, fuck I think I just want to be a sponge. A sponge with an opinion. I want to know more about politics too, people talk about it and I really cant comment because I don't understand it. I think it would be good to learn a language as well. Maybe I'm just being a bit ambitious now?

Mid-January Realisation #3: Let those creative juices flow.
With regards to the whole writing thing, I generally want to be more creative - I have always had a very scientific brain and feeling as though I'm not even good at that anymore is pushing me to become more acquainted with my creative side. I want to take more photographs and good ones too (I swear I say that in every post) and I just want to take full advantage of any shred of creativity I have ya know?

Now I have titled each paragraph, I feel pressured to write about more realisations I have had but I am afraid they are very generic and I really don't want to sound like every other person, so I'm going to be a button in a bag of zips (idk) and just end that segment right here.

On a completely unrelated note; I really enjoyed the chummy letters thing your mum said and I've been thinking about maybe updating the design of this blog - changing it up, making it more stylish, maybe trying to get a wider audience - changing it's name around. I'm going to brainstorm. but let me know whatcha think :). Also my next post will deffo include pictures, I promise.

Later Skater,
Chels.